New Leaf, Stuff to Do

The Holy Week reflections for this year have been good to me. I thank the Lord and the people who have worked to make life a little more inspiring everyday, even in the most simple of details. Some people fail to look at these little things and pass these by as insignificant. But what I have learned, along with the conversations I have shared with friends and family, is that you must not allow anything to pass by without subtle reflection and wonder. It's what makes life all the more meaningful and worth living, in spite of the problems and challenges that plague our world.

One part of me that spoke out these past few days, brought about by the quaint online retreat posted online by Fr. Go of Xavier School, is the concept of commitment and love towards one self. I tend to say to myself that I can be busy with so many other things in my day-to-day activities that I can allow myself to "let go" of my personal needs and happiness. Getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of student life, with the homework, organization activities, people and friends to meet, as well as meeting the expectations of society and your peers, is nothing to gawk at or be scared of. It is naturally a part of life that constantly flows and ebbs in the River of Time, without regard for the denizens that are at its mercy. I personally get caught up with the various events and projects I must handle, the internet with its torrent of information and time-consuming what-nots and the amount of school work to be done in order to gain a degree. With this viewpoint, people can very well say that its possible to live life with everything, and be with nothing.

Its difficult to think of how you can be unhappy and happy at the same time with doing the things you think you really love. I mean, what is wrong with hanging out with your friends, enjoying the good times, doing projects that can give you experience in the future and generally doing things with other people? It sucks out the air from you as well as drain the well from you spiritually and sometimes physically. I often feel exhausted after giving out maximum effort to the various things I do in college. Do I find fulfillment and happiness from them? Why, yes, of course I do. There's nothing wrong really of doing things for other people if it would benefit and make them better people. But constantly draining yourself without care is utterly dangerous, and destructive in the end. I always tell myself that I can gather up strength from the good I do for people, to see their happiness and contentment fulfilled. But maybe at times, you have to afford yourself of being wrong in spite of seeing righteousness before you.

Through this Holy Week, I've come to realize that I will, as humanly as possible, prevent myself from being a mere fence-sitter, waiting for self-contentment and true happiness to come while I allow myself to drain away into nothing. I feel now that if I don't try to find myself in the pathways of life God has created for all of us, then I don't think that I can face myself in front of my own friends and family, let alone total strangers, and say that this is "truly me" speaking. Only then that through finding myself can I really be a full person, and be able to relate, laugh, cry and be in joy with others.

Both of my organizations, ACLC and Ateneo Celadon, have taught me quite well in how I can find myself. ACLC has taught me to love unconditionally and to accept others in a family, while being able to find God more in more ways than I can ever imagine. Celadon meanwhile has taught me more than the true value of my heritage, but more so of how to be responsible with my own actions, how to be caring to others and going beyond my call of duty. The organizations have also allowed me to experiment a bit on my love for photography and writing as well, having written articles for Chinoy and taking shooting events for both orgs.

Maybe then, I could start anew on those two fronts. Am really thinking of hosting a new basketball/sports blog site that will showcase opinions regarding various basketball leagues here in the Philippines as well as the NBA. But of course, I'll be adding a bit of other sports tidbits here and there. But I've also realized my drive for film making and photography and I could start a new blog to showcase my stuff.

After all my reflections these past few days, maybe this could be my lucky break in finally realizing my own potential, as well as figure out what I could do after college while looking for a job. Commitment has always been a value I uphold the most, but never really understood fully. Maybe now, I can finally say I can commit to myself for awhile. So, to you, my wonderful reader, which one should I pick? Should I go for a sports blog or go for the media stuff? Maybe we can talk about it more! I'm always open for a conversation :)